Gorilla’s in the mist - Manchester vs Lymm Sat 29th Jan

We could be talking about the Under 11 coaches and some of the dads who looked a little like early versions of homo sapiens this fine cold morning after a rather boisterous coaches meeting the afternoon and evening before!

The headline came to me after reading Rhys’s thesis below with his spectacular analogies as well as his vivid explanation of medical conditions unknown in South Manchester – fortunately – although given some of the hairy buggers you get down the clubhouse, I may be mistaken – anyhow – do read on – over to you Rhys!

Without making a song and dance about it, Lymm over the years have been a monkey on our back, growing to one about the size of King Kong! Now before I get howls of protest and letters pointing out that King Kong was not a monkey but a gorilla suffering from island gigantism or insular giantism, (a biological phenomenon in which the size of animals isolated on an island increases dramatically in comparison to their mainland relatives) from "Irate Primatologist of Tunbridge Wells" and his kind, I am well aware of this fact but the analogy is still a good one. And I know where you live.

As Arctic conditions across the UK drive people with too much time on their hands into a frenzy of pointless weather-based amateur photography, a crowd of supporters began to gather and loiter suspiciously in a frost coated field on the outskirts of a gritty northern industrial town whose very foundations were built with the blood, sweat and tears of hardworking Feng Sui Consultants, Crystal Healers and Life Management Coaches. The sound of the suburbs is the sound of back-breaking toil.

Before the warm up the boys were treated to a rare performance of the famous 'March of the Zombies' when Manchester U11s coaches emerged blinking into the weak morning sunlight, after an heroic day's meeting the night before. ( That’s Rhys’s description of the night’s events – I still think gorillas in the mist is more accurate - Steph.)

The weather was so cold this morning that even Simon had trackie bots on – apparently his lucky pair. ( Steph’s observation here – Rhys thinks on a much higher plane than me! However, Rhys is much better at collective nouns and pop trivia as evidenced by paragraph below).

Noticing this, there was much wailing and cries of disappointment from the... what do you call a group of Rugby Mums? I'll have to borrow a collective term from the animal kingdom. How about a Glorying of Rugby Mums (Cats), or a Sownder of Rugby Mums (Swans), or an Ambush of Rugby Mums (Tigers)? No I'll go with an Obstinacy of Rugby Mums (Safe in the knowledge that I'll have fled the country for my own safety by the time any of them google this reference! Rhys!! I have googled this and you are a cheeky wotsit! Girls – an “obstinacy” is a group of Buffalo! I’m saying nothing…. yet) The heartbreakingly tearful rendition of "We've Got a lovely bunch of coconuts" sung and, in some cases, sobbed, to the back of an oblivious Simon was almost too much to bear, stripped down to its raw essence - a simple plaintive cry in the darkness, just as Fred Heatherton had intended it to be heard.
"Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head (and bigger)
Give them a twist a flick of the wrist
That’s what the showman said..."

Simply spine tingling. – I think Rhys is getting a bit carried away here and perhaps spine chilling would be a better description!

Anyhow down to the important business!

Luck had nothing to do with the rugby the boys played this morning! I think our lads all had more than three Weetabix for breakfast this morning. They came storming out onto the pitch with a great attacking mindset which resulted in 2 tries in the first 2 minutes of the game. Manchester tackled hard and it was evident that they were going to put a great performance on and show us what they are capable of.

Over to Statto’s rugby observations!:
The first Manchester try came from pressure applied to a Lymm lineout in their own half, the ball was won and scrambled over the try line by the scorer forcing his way through the Lymm defence. The second try saw the ball passed across the pitch in a series of neat passes from a Manchester scrum in their own half for the eventual try scorer to run half the length of the field for a great solo effort. The final try of this quarter came from winning the ball from a Lymm scrum and a hard, gritty run by the Manchester scorer to place the ball over the try line."

Although Lymm tried to fight back, their few breaks were bought down by great tackling. This side has great players who when they work as a team and come out with the right mental attitude are able to produce fabulous rugby and we saw this today. Manchester's hunger to win was apparent in this half, forcing Lymm on the back foot for much of the period and to kick the ball three times. Manchester won both their scrums and one of Lymms' two but giving away two penalties to Lymm's solitary one.

Manchester stormed through this quarter 3 tries to 0.

In the second quarter, Lymm started off putting the pressure on but Manchester kept at it, managing to force Lymm into kicking four times, to Manchester's once. After going a try down, Manchester managed to level the game with a great try following a determined run by the try scorer, only to see Lymm run a further try home. Stats for this period were fairly even: Lymm won both their two scrums, whilst Manchester didn't have any, and both sides were awarded a penalty each. This quarter finished:

Lymm 2 – 1 Manchester

In the third quarter Manchester again had most of the ball. They got a try in quickly. The ball was won from a Manchester scrum and scrambled over the line. Some fine passages of play and fluent passing of the ball soon resulted in another try, again from a scrum with the goal scorer running to his left, blindside around the scrum, through a challenge and over the try line. Lymm’s response was foiled by some more hard tackling from Manchester. Stats show that Manchester won the visitors solitary lineout in this period, their own three scrums and one of two Lymm scrums, with Lymm being awarded a penalty.

Manchester 2 – 0 Lymm

In the fourth quarter Manchester’s first foray over the try line was held-up. Lymm were tackling better now and foiling Manchester’s attempts to get over the line despite the game being mostly in Manchester’s half. Manchester kept at it and this paid off with a scrambled try. Lymm replied with 2 rapid tries to take this quarter 2 to 1.

The final score was Manchester 7 - 4 Lymm.

Manchester scored in every period of play and showed that they can banish demons, monkeys, King Kong and probably even Godzilla, never mind play great rugby!