WET WET WET IN WEST PARK – Sunday 11th December

Those of you hoping to uncover hidden song titles within this match report by the Glaswegian mindless moneymaking soul-less misery-vending pop sulker Marti Pellow and whoever else was in his band are going to be disappointed. ( Rhys – I have to disagree here – Marti Pellow was enough to make us mums feel it in more than our fingers and toes!)

After treading water in our opponents car park waiting to hear whether the game would go ahead we were told that West Park didn't want to ruin their pitches so we'd use the ones at the college next door - bet they were happy on Monday morning!

Mark and Rick strode off, and occasionally through, the mud bath like two drenched Old Testament prophets ( Hmm – did they wear shorts, Rhys? – Steph) leading their bedraggled people to the promised pitch at the far end of the field. Small islands of grass rose above the playing surface surrounded by a sea of mud that was in places tidal. Several parents, struggling through the swamp, impeded and finally overwhelmed by the treacherous soggy ground, bravely shouted to those ahead 'Go on, save yourselves!" before slowly sinking into the bog, often to the tops of their (Hunters – us mums have a bit of class you know - Steph) wellies, eventually needing trackers to pull them out.

Because of the atrocious weather conditions the match started early - and what a difference a week makes, dare I say it was written in the wind? ( Oh yes, Rhys – it’s written everywhere we go!)

Right from the off Manchester were in West Park's faces, this was the Manchester we know, a pack of snarling pitbulls snapping and lunging into every tackle against a committed opponent. The first try came from a Manchester scrum, the ball was passed out and through a series of four further passes found it's way to the eventual try scorer to end a wonderful move and score, with a little help from his friends. The conversion kick was duly made with the ball sailing over the crossbar and over the fence.

Try two was started by the ball being ripped from a West Park player and once again passed across the pitch before finding an onrushing Manchester player who sprinted over the try line to score. Another conversion converted another ball over the fence.

Try three was a solo effort from the resulting kick off. The ball was well caught and the catcher ran half the length of the pitch to score. This time the conversion was taken from the other side of the posts, the ball being retrieved from a primeval tar pit on the 22 metre line.

There was a fourth try in this half but the details and the scorer have been lost to the elements. Can someone help with the info for this please.

So… try, try, try, try… 4 - 0 at half time and if anything the weather was getting worse. There was an icy wind swirling all around, we could feel it in our fingers, we could feel it our toes and so on etc.

Second half. Would Manchester let up the pressure? Not a chance! The first try of this half was scored by the try scorer forcing his way through the West Park defence, with the try converted. But all credit to West Park now, Manchester momentarily went to sleep at a ruck, the ball was available and as Manchester stopped “en masse” to gawp at it, West Park capitalised and scored a welcome try, warmly applauded by both sets of fans.

Manchester hit back and ripped the ball from West Park and forced it over the line to take a 2-1 lead in this second half, once again the try was converted, this time splashing down near to a startled warthog. Try three was a fine solo effort by the try scorer, running at an acute angle across the pitch before swiftly cutting inside to score. The wind picked up making the conversion attempt difficult. 'Do you need anybody?" asked a coach to the kicker "I need somebody to hold this ball" was the reply before sending the ball high and straight over the crossbar.

The fourth try was started at a Manchester scrum and, once again, passed across the pitch for the try scorer to cross the line. With the last action of the match the resulting conversion was made. Both sets of players left the pitch resembling the Asaro Mud Men of Papua New Guinea (I have googled this reference and they do exist!! – Steph) to huge appreciative cheers, warm hugs from parents, steaming hot drinks and worming tablets for the less hygienically-minded ones.

Final score: West Park 1 Manchester 8 (or 7 - 54 in rugby language).

A great, great great team performance, one we've waited weeks to see. Well played boys!

Many thanks to West Parks' players who never gave up and also to the coaches and ref for an excellent, hard game in terrible playing conditions.

Report by Rhys “Statto” Davenport who surely deserves to sit next to John Inverdale, or even take his place! I don’t even deserve to clean his boots but I am certainly not offering after the weather this week! - Steph