Sedgley 0 - Manchester 53

When the phone went on Sunday morning I thought it was Noah calling to collect us as the flood waters were rising in Cheshire and cats and dogs were falling from the heavens.... instead it was the Sedgley Coach (and a good friend of mine) to tell me that the fixture was ON, so scribblers lad and the self acclaimed Star Player (will let you all guess who that is!) grabbed their arm bands and snorkels and set off for Park Lane, Whitefield, which according to the Doc is just next to the sewage works!

We all arrived on time except Jim Royle who as well as bringing Antony was duty driver for the day and had picked up Usain and Bambi (see below) on the way! With Hanno still absent as he is being re-built, the Ginger Prince unavailable this week and the Karate Kid catching flies in chopsticks or chopping wood for Noah with his little finger, we had four players at any time who would need to brave the elements on the sideline and so rolling substitutions would be needed and would also test the military minds of the coaches on the sides to work out who was coming and going.

Credit to our hosts for getting the match on as the pitch was certainly suffering from excess watering, albeit having seen it I think it must have shrunk in the wash! - it was probably half the length and width of the stadium pitch we played on against Ormskirk and so the boys would need to adapt to both the extreme weather and the playing surface. They did not let us down and probably produced their best performance of the season in the worst conditions to warm the hearts of the soggy cold travelling support, which this week included Papa Smurf, much wiser and better behaved than the Captain’s Father.

Indeed he can come every week if he inspires the best game that the Captain has had in a Manchester shirt, truly outstanding!! Other than his ‘off the ball’ incidents which he managed well there were numerous other noteworthy moments - a ruck where he sent the Sedgley 9 deep into the Somme like conditions, running into drive Sheapy forward when he obliterated everyone within a six mile radius and then having seen the aforementioned Ovine Prop score from distance last week he tried to replicate it straight from the kick off, only to be tackled a yard or two short from the try line.

If we had a Man of the Match then you would have thought that the Captain would have claimed it, however Jean Pierre Reeves (do you remember him) would have pressed strongly for the honours. Quite frankly the best performance I have ever seen from Noisy who from now on will be referred to as JPR but not that Welsh doctor who was by all accounts a complete psycho.

The fact that at every breakdown he was there making tackles, competing for the ball, irritating the opposition as much as he can his parents, then almost vomiting (PC Cannabis said he was wretching but I didn’t understand what that meant!) Take a bow JPR very impressive - oh and get to the barbers otherwise I am bringing bobbles to training!
So, to the rain sodden match - the first few minutes were tough as the forwards engaged the combative Sedgley side, indeed the Captain decided to do his best Racky Hitton (as Scribblers youngest calls him) impression as he discussed the merits of the European Union with the SP second row or at least thats what it looked like from the side line.

After the initial sparring it was down to business with Spaces not Faces himself going over for the first try, you could sense the relief in the crowd and the pattern was set for the game; indeed Tomo was involved in the second try as well - having received a stray SP fist in his general direction the Society Referee decided that this was sufficient to warrant a penalty try much to the bemusement of the assembled throng of hardy, umbrella waving supporters who were already dreaming of the pea and ham soup in the club house and the game was barely ten minutes old. Two further first half tries and three conversions from One Boot and the score was 26-0 as the team huddled together for rare warmth at the shrill blast of the half time whistle.

One Boot, so called because clearly his mother hadn’t taken care to pack his bag had threatened to play in white trainers (eeeeekkkk) and at the advice of the coaches had worn Usain’s boots in the first half - clearly the reason why his speed was resplendent in the first period. A bang to the head and the cold driving sleet clearly got the better of him and he retired to his trailer as all good 10s do in poor weather - impressive!

Multiple changes ensued - McHooker for Bambi (we’ll get there in a minute) Usain for Scribblers lad, Ferg for One Boot and Sutty for Mazzer meant that it was a much changed fifteen for the second half, however the pattern established in the first half continued, some great rugby followed and with five second half tries, one converted meant that the score finished 0-53, including a second try in two weeks from Antony who has clearly decided his playing days lay in the centres. Ferg demonstrated circus like credentials as he tried to catch a bar of soap with greasy hand and his eyes closed, just to provide a bit of entertainment for Murdo who was busy trying to hide under Gerrards coat at the time!

Also the Discovery Award goes to young Cannabis for realising that hands down your shorts really do warm them up - especially if you nick Dodgy Hat’s hand warmers in the process!

With JPR suffering from exhaustion, Sutty made his first appearance in the back row making the journey from the Jessicas to the real world - big thanks to Kylie for holding Sutty’s hand and showing him where to go and what to do. That left us short in the backs and the coaches eyes turned to the available options. Mazzer had hurt his shoulder (ably diagnosed by Cannabis) One Boot was showing no sign of coming out of his film star trailer and so the choice was Hassan or Scribblers lad....... On the basis of ‘Who looks most like a winger” Hassan won and was despatched on to the pitches in One Boots trainers - Bambi on Ice - he could barley stand up! So within seconds Scribblers lad replaced Bambi and graced the field on the right wing - to much hilarity from Cannabis et al. Oh how we yearned for a cross field kick!

The tries were spread evenly today with rugby to warm your spirits on the coldest of days and an opportunity for Scribbler to find nick names for those without - One Boot, Antony and Bambi take a bow!