MAN-EATING MANCS TEAR LYMM APART, LYMM FROM LYMM

A Letter from our Editor

Dear Readers,
I was in absentia for today's fixture. We play swop shop sometimes in our home (but just for the rugby matches).

However, I understand that there was plenty of fizz in the team today which translated into some awesome rugby on the field. I was getting updates via the Balderson hotline as to the progress of the match as I watched son number 1 in action at home. As the news came through, it was like a certain scene in 'When Harry met Sally'. A good start, then some tension as the scores were equalised and then stretching the score line out and finally, knowing we were on the home straight... !!!!

Over to Statto for the gory details....

Thanks Steph! Sounds like that time you were having a really 'Happy Meal' in McDonalds! Will you ever be allowed back in there, or is it 6" subs from now on? Oh, and thanks for loaning me that self-help book. Did you know it has a typo in it, and you’re actually meant to greet people in a ‘genial’ manner? In other news I'll shortly be placed on a register of some sort.

Many apologies for the lateness in submitting this report. I've tried sending you it from my iPhone but mistakenly downloaded IOW7 rather than IOS7 for it. So now if I want to send a text I have to wait for the hourly ferry from Portsmouth.

As usual life has gotten in the way. During the week I'd sadly had to re-home my sausage dog because the sausages he made tasted awful. On top of that, the goldfish died. Rest in Peace Nebuchadnezzar, son of Ninurta-nadin-sumi the Bristol Shubunkin (2013-2013) Never Forgotten. Then we received a letter from my daughter Lucrezia Borgia-Statto's school informing us that she had been caught "twerking" in the Physics lab. The headmistress subsequently banned every girl in the whole school from having unsuitable role models and circulated a formal list of sanctioned individuals, from which they were supposed to select their own personal idol. The list included a range of inspirational women such as Marie Curie, Boudicca and Holly Willoughby. She hadn’t heard of many of them except for Countess Bathory, so in the end plumped for Florence Nightingale. Since then she's been mostly focusing on improving her bedside manner and developing a secret addiction to opiates.

And so Sunday started as every Sunday starts, badly. You know you're going to have a bad day when even the Rice Crispies give you the silent treatment. And oh! my head ached! The family has been growing increasingly concerned about my alcohol intake, having hoped I’d drink myself to death years ago. The one positive note I realised as I grunted my goodbyes and set off for Lymm, was that so far I haven’t watched a single episode of The Wombles this month. Stoptobermory is going well.

Steph, I know we've argued vehemently about this subject many times and often come to blows over it and I DO respect your views BUT I still contend that although the rock foundations in Lymm date back over two hundred million years, they HAVE only looked the way they do today due to the happenings of the past 13,000 years. It was the effects of the last ice age which altered the appearance of the landscape in Lymm, in common with much of northern England. The main cause of effect was when the ice began to melt, as this would change the shape of the rock. The melted water from the glaciers would collect and carry debris which then battered and scoured the rocks to the basic shape they hold today. The areas of Lymm Dam, The Dingle and the Slitten Gorge were most likely a main local meltwater channel.

I mention this only because there, on a Lateral moraine, (those tell-tale ridges of till on the sides of an ancient glacier now covered in grass) that runs across Lymm Rugby Club, stood the Manchester U13s Grannies, perched along the ridge like the enigmatically carved stone heads on Easter Island, only more weatherworn, led by the same matriarch who once chased a Land Rover because of strong territorial instincts. Apparently
‘Too early’ to have a drink has now been pushed back so far that they’ve rigged their teasmades up to mix G+Ts. Still they were quite cheerful and the menfolk were unharmed. The scene reminded me of a geological trip I had taken whilst at Cambridge many years ago where I once survived an entire week trapped in a Swiss glacier eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal. To this day, I can't stand the taste of early hominid.

Manchester kicked off the first quarter and were immediately on the attack. A great early drive into the home side's half from a spilled ball allowed the opportunistic Manchester player showed some serious gas to run with the ball and break clear of the Lymm defence and score in the corner. The angle of the conversion though was too acute for the kicker.

The play oscillated between the halves, with both sides trying to establish control and start to dominate possession and territory. Lymm were not allowed to move forward as Manchester put in tackle after tackle. However, the home side also kept Manchester back with determined tackling - this was turning out to be a tough game. Then a lovely well rehearsed kick down the line from a Lymm player for a team mate to gather and sprint over the line to score brought the sides level. Fortunately for Manchester the conversion was missed.

How Manchester responded to this was going to be telling. You can learn a lot about your players in hard matches such as this. Today everyone had a bit of dog, a bit of steel and an attitude as they came snarling back at Lymm. Manchester's forwards, it's boiler room, ground through the gears, well organised and strong, putting more and more pressure on the home side and allowing our pacy backs to use the ball well, flashing it across the pitch time and time again in search of a second try. Both the attacking and defensive aspects of the boys play were shaping up nicely and it was a shame that the whistle went when it did.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester didn't kick the ball whilst Lymm kicked seven times. Both sides had a line out each, which they both lost. We had two scrums, winning one, whilst Lymm were awarded one, which they won. We had no penalties but the home side were awarded three. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing three times but there were three breakdowns, though no knock ons.

FIRST QUARTER
Lymm 5 Manchester 5

The second quarter was a carbon copy of the first with Manchester again on the offensive, taking the play to the opposition, with the the boys beginning to win the ball in the contact area and look dangerous on the turnover ball. It was from this early pressure that the ball was offloaded quickly to the wing for a Manchester player to fly through the Lymm defence to score between the posts. This time the conversion kick was landed superbly and there was daylight between the sides once more.

From the kick off Manchester attacked swiftly into the Lymm half with a series of smart passes and fine support play. A great clattering run a few yards in from the touch line was finally halted when the ball was kicked out for a line out to the home side close to their try line. Lymm won the resulting line out but the ball was spilled and fell loose. It was pounced on by a 'ratting' Manchester player who popped the ball up for an onrushing team mate to charge over the line through a mass of opposition players and ground the ball. Once again the angle proved to tight and the conversion was missed.

The boys were now playing with a bounce in their step as they continued to build a head of steam. There was a great rumble at a ruck deep in Lymm territory, the ball was picked at the base and flipped to a waiting player to pump his legs and force his way over the line to score. Another acute angle foils the kicker. This is Manchester though at their brutal, brilliant, high-intensity best.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester once again didn't kick the ball whilst Lymm kicked twice. Both sides had two line out each, with Manchester the only ones to win one. Both teams also had a scrum apiece, which they won. We had a penalty with the home side being awarded three again. Stats showed that in this second period the ball got out to the wing three times but there were four breakdowns, though still no knock ons.

SECOND QUARTER
Lymm 5 Manchester 22

The third period saw, for me, an early contender for Manchester's try of the season. From an unpromising start in the centre of the park, the ball was juggled on the back of an attacking Manchester player, who somehow, skillfully, managed to carry it as though giving the ball a piggy-back AND then turn the move into a penetrating attack by evading a couple of challenges before offloading to a support player. His swift hands quickly found another team mate who drew a defender classically bfore finding a perfect pass to a colleague just feet away from the try line, he in turn drew his man, flicking the ball sideways for a player to score a superbly worked try on his debut. Even though the kick was missed this was still beginning to feel like a wild morning!

From the kick off Manchester were swiftly into the ruck, driving hard before seeing a Manchester player, hovering at the back, released by a lovely pass, sprint down the line, beating the defence for pace and ground the ball. This time the conversion was good. This was developing into quite a game.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester once again didn't kick the ball whilst Lymm kicked three times. Neither team had any line outs. Manchester were given one scrum, which they won, whilst Lymm were awarded three, winning two. We had no penalties but the home side were awarded five. Stats showed that in this third period the ball got out to the wing once but there were five breakdowns, with four knock ons.

THIRD QUARTER
Lymm 5 Manchester 34

The last quarter was an evenly fought contest, with most of the play was in the central area of the home sides half with attempt after attempt to crash through the resolute Lymm defence through the middle, rather than feeding the ball out wide. A quick look across the pitch would have found the outside centres and wings waiting and maybe in a better position to nip in for the try. So, no further points were added to the score, but that didn't matter. A great morning and a great result!

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Both sides kicked the ball once and each had a line out apiece. Manchester had two scrums, winning one, whilst Lymm were awarded two, winning both. We had no penalties but the home side were awarded five once more. Stats showed that in this third period the ball didn't get out to the wing but there were two breakdowns, both knock ons.

FINAL SCORE
Lymm 5 Manchester 34

This morning was all about character - a coming of age, if you will. The boys did everything the coaches asked of them and also adjusted their game whilst in play. There were also some great team tries. Special mention to the new-joins who all played brilliantly and took on board all that was asked of them.

Manchester are beginning to carve out a winning habit. The team spirit and atmosphere around the side at the moment is excellent. The team need to use these games against tough opposition as self-motivation to drive themselves on this season.

Great work fellas!

Once again. It's a joy to come to Lymm - a club that plays rugby how it's meant to be played. Many thanks for your welcome and hospitality. All the best for the rest of the season.