BOYS’ BOUNCEBACKABILITY BEATS BATTLING TOC-H

Lie in much appreciated this morning as we had a late kick off against Didsbury Toc H. Wonderful autumnal morning. Sunglasses needed by spectators. Ground was heavy after all the rain of the week.

Impression of the game was that the boys did not really get into their best groove. I think they may be approaching hibernation as I certainly feel I would rather be in bed than dragging myself out in the dark. I looked up the signs on impending hibernation to see if I could recognise any of the symptoms in the lewis boys. One article I found was about hibernation in Russian hamsters. It said and I quote “Many people remark that on first glance, the hamster appears dead”. This reminded me of when as a child our hamster in the cold utility room was presumed dead and buried after a cold snap! We will never know.

I read on in the hope that I may pick some tips up to help bring tired pubescent boys back to their full glory. We could substitute boy for hamster in the following excerpt. “Your hamster will be totally limp. It probably will lay flat on its belly, its limbs outstretched. As your hamster begins to wake up some, you will notice slowly increased movement and control. First will be the eyes opening a bit and it may twitch its whiskers or nose. As wakefulness continues, your hamster may pull its limb(!) beneath it, sitting quite crouched. Eventually, they will take slow steps to getting to their feet and wobble around a bit until they eventually have complete control of their body. it may begin to shake and shiver quite a bit. It is very disconcerting to watch, but be assured it is quite normal. As his body temperature rises closer to normal, the muscle tissue begins to twitch or spasm awake. If there have been no increased signs of life and strength within the first half hour to hour, but you are certain he is still with you, then you will probably want to take him in to the emergency vet straight away.”

So, watch out for these signs in your own son and don’t forget if you think he may be hibernating, get him to the emergency vet.

Anyhow, Statto will be able to provide the detail about the game. All I can say is that it appeared a well contested game and entertaining to watch and manchester persisted and won the game.

Joe suffered a cracked bone in his heel during the game. He was such a brave trooper and hobbled off in some considerable pain. Get better soon Joe.

Hi Steph. Joe had a belting game on Sunday, even managing to score a try breaking through both the defence and the pain barrier too. Get better soon.

You’re so right about loving the lie in. Everything about this whole ‘getting up early so as not to waste the day’ thing is just wrong on so many levels. It’s why everyone in this country is insane. Scientists have proved that getting out of bed goes against all our instincts and is, in fact, so deeply engrained within our DNA that it could be seen as a grotesque violation of nature. At some deep level, Steph, you struggle to get out from under your duvet because of all the wolves and cave bears. Staying tenuously on this subject, I learned this week that it’s apparently bad form during a marriage guidance session to say “If they tried to charge me bedroom tax I’d be due a sodding rebate.”

And the analogy linking hamsters to children? Genius. All I can add to your wonderful observations is the obvious, that both are useful in their own way. Hamsters are superb palaeoenvironmental indicators. For instance, the Gray Hamster (Cricetulus migratorius), usually identified from jaw and teeth fragments, allows archaeologsts to infer an ancient landscape with a mosaic of open and woodland habitats, whilst fossilized remains of the Djungarian hamster (Phodopus sungorus) would indicate a colder, harsher environment, such as can be found today on the steppes of Siberia or sub-arctic Russia. And children? It's constantly drummed into us that children are our future. That’s why I’m stockpiling loads in my basement...

So, angrily switching off the telly and making a mental note to write to John Lewis pointing out that they need to do an advert with a man looking out of the window longing to get away from his family and be at the pub, as that would be more Christmassy I stomped off, feeling torn between my usual grasping thoughtlessness and a new streak of mean, uncaring, inconsiderate self-absorption, to see how the U13s would fair in their first proper match against Didsbury Toc H.

No man is an island, (unless it’s the Isle of Man) so how would they as a team respond, after losing to Macclesfield and the boys from God’s own country, in my absence? According to my son that day had been: “Refreshingly devoid of parental pressure and verbal abuse being hurled at me from the touchline and therefore the singular most pleasant morning’s rugby I have partaken in thus far, ever.” Git.

Certainly the Manchester parents, blinking in the weak winter sunshine, seemed positive enough but to be fair their optimism always strikes me like junk mail addressed to the dead. I caught snippets of conversation between a group of the grans. One had been asked to describe the difference between Armagnac and Cognac. The answer I’m sure shouldn’t be “Cognac’s on the lower shelf in Asda so it’s easier to pinch.” However "trying the bars at the Manchester Art Gallery and Piccadilly Train Station before shotgunning some Stella in the park next to the London Eye", does seem like a nice day out for the kids.

After an impeccably observed minute’s silence by both teams, Manchester kicked off, immediately their pressure produced a well fought for turnover midway into Didsbury’s half. The ball was moved from side to side through fast hands as Manchester tried to find a gap in the home side’s resolute defence. Chance after chance was created only to be thwarted by some stout tackling, before finally a Manchester ball carrier managed to squeeze through a mass of bodies and scramble over the whitewash to score. Deserved on the balance of play, but very messy team play in the build up, and of concern to these tired, jaded eyes was the lack of fixing a player in the opening exchanges - still a try’s a try. With the try being grounded in the corner the angle of the conversion though was too acute for the kicker.

Stung, Didsbury came straight back at us from the kick off. As both teams tried to establish control and start to dominate possession and territory, the game inevitably became a series of mauls in the middle of the park, each set of forwards grinding through the gears and no side willing to give an inch as their boots fought for purchase in the mud. Suddenly the ball rolled clear out of a knot of players and was pounced upon by an alert Manchester player, who scooping it up, ran clear to score a fine opportunistic goal under the uprights. The kicker swung a sweet kick high, and the travelling supporters exulted as it zoomed between the posts. Excellent kick.

The visitors kept up the pressure after the kick off resulting in a similar try to the last from almost the same position - another pick up and go after a bit of ratting to score under the ‘H’ and another conversion made. It was still looking a bit disjointed out there though even as Manchester kept the score ticking over. The resulting conversion sailed over the bar to increase the lead.

The last try of the half was for me the best. The team put in a sustained period of tenacious pressure all across the pitch, passing the ball from side to side before a Manchester player darted through the home side’s defence to score. Once again the angle proved to tight for the kicker and the conversion was just missed.

Overall thoughts on the half were that the play from Manchester was okay but the team were collectively making too many wrong decisions and there wasn’t too much evidence of organisation or guarding the defensive line which is so important, as is communication out there on the pitch.

VERDICT: You’ve clearly forgotten you’re a Womble.

Stats for this half are as follows: Manchester kicked the ball once whilst Didsbury kicked twice. Manchester had two lineouts, winning both, whilst Didsbury had three winning one. We had no scrums, whilst Didsbury were awarded three, winning two. We had no penalties but the home side were awarded one. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing four times but there were five breakdowns, though only one knock on.

FIRST HALF
Didsbury 0 Manchester 22

Didsbury attacked straight from the kick off and although Manchester managed to hold them off for a while, their persistence paid off and they scored a deserved try breaking down the line, taking advantage of our poor defensive line.

Then followed a lovely kick from one side of the pitch to the other with the ball bouncing invitingly up for an on-rushing player to score in the corner. Lovely try and well worth seeing even if it did give our kicker no chance with the subsequent conversion attempt.

And then we went and did it all over again! The ball was swiftly moved from one side to the other before a galloping Manchester player swept through the home team’s defence to ground the ball in exactly the same spot. To be fair to Didsbury they fought for the ball every step of the way, not giving us a chance to place the it under the posts and give our hard-put-upon kicker any hope!

More pressure followed with Manchester winning the half’s solitary scrum against the head and feeding the ball out to the touchline for a lurking player to storm his way over the line and score, once again, in the corner, to cheers from the away support and groansd from the Manchester kicker.

The game ended with Manchester still on the front foot with a fine rolling maul display that was eventually forced into touch.

VERDICT: I’ve got a full 6-pack, but lack the plastic thingy to hold it together.

Stats for this half are as follows: Manchester kicked the ball once whilst Didsbury didn’t. Manchester had no lineouts, whilst Didsbury had one losing it. We had no scrums, whilst Didsbury were awarded one, which they lost. Both sides were awarded one penalty each. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing four times but, once again there were five breakdowns, though only no knock ons.

Well, as they say, “A win’s a win” but was it the best display the boys have had this season. No, it was as equally scrappy as it was good in patches. There seems to be an on and off switch at the moment governing manchester’s play. The boys need to play far more ‘fix and give’ rugby rather than getting too bogged down in mauls.

FINAL SCORE
Didsbury 5 Manchester 39

Many thanks to Didsbury for a fine, hard faught match, played in the right spirit and wonderful hospitality.