5Ts to 1T on 3G @ BRFC

Due to the ongoing cancellations of games with unprecedented rainfall making pitches resemble aquaria, Heaton Mersey kindly offered a fixture at Burnages 3G pitch, so there was a real chance of getting a game.

I was somewhat confused about what 3G means but Wikiweb talks about faster speeds and more capacity and networks. I couldn’t see any discernible difference on the leg power of the boys despite this 3G pitch so I was none the clearer. The pitch seems to be made of annoying little black bits of rubber so perhaps it is made up of unused 1g, 2g and 2.5g.(yes apparently these have all existed.) The boys were reminded to bring the correct footwear (no flippers and wetsuits needed this week).

The sun came out and the boys enjoyed using limbs that have not seen daylight and fresh air for weeks. Over to Statto for the details of the game:

Hi Steph, thanks for that. This being the weekend of love I was pleasantly surprised to see so many people turn up for the game. The night before I’d had a quick flick through the television guide and as usual there wasn’t much on, so asked the wife if she fancied an early headache because, sweetly, it was also the anniversary of when the current Mrs Statto and I had first met - Did you know that the official gift for a twenty fourth anniversary is an evening of simmering resentment. No? Me neither. I remembered our first night out together. Like most women, Mrs Statto likes courtesy on a date (I believe she still insists on it) so I got in trouble when I didn’t open the car door for her and Instead just swam for the surface.

Then it hit me, there’d been a rumour of a threesome involving us, Heaton Moor and a team from Liverpool, which would explain the firkytoodling of fast and loose Manchester U13s Grans (or Cheadle Hulme Cougars as apparently they’d like to be known as now) who had congregated along a rail, their varicose veins getting an airing in the weak winter sunshine.

“Bless ‘em.” I thought as I wandered over. “Most can’t even digest solids anymore, yet here they are, still trying gamely to shove sausage baps through gaps in their shakily applied lipstick.”

Then the news broke that the Liverpool side wouldn’t be able to make it. I wasn’t surprised to be honest. During the most recent deluge, a man had been arrested outside Knowsley Safari Park for trying to ram three hundred pairs of animals into the boot of his Peugeot 206.

And so, swamped by the smell of cheap Lambrusco and broken dreams, I watched the match, mentally noting to find a reputable dry cleaners and to block this bit out of my mind, like an alien abduction.

FIRST HALF
Manchester kicked off, the ball hanging high, deep into the Heaton Moor half. It was a bit of a helter skelter start to the game. Manchester soon found their high-tempo rhythm and took the game to Heaton Moor. This pressure won Manchester an early lineout from which the ball was fed neatly inside for a waiting player to make an initial burst into the home side’s defence which held up well. Some crisp passing enabled Manchester to advance towards the tryline before being stopped just short of the whitewash as a maul developed. An alert Manchester player took advantage of a gap in Heaton Moor’s defensive line to rat his way through a pile of bodies to ground the ball over the line. Unfortunately the conversion attempt was missed.

Heaton Moor 0 Manchester 5

Although Manchester seemed to adapt quickly to the different playing surface, gathering the loose ball up well on a couple of occasions and making bursts through midfield and hammering deep into Heaton Moor territory, the moves died. The game became a battle for territory in the centre of the pitch, a case of thrust and counter thrust with Manchester constantly on the attack, controlling the tempo and the hosts defending well in numbers.

The game went through a scrappy phase, with both sides making errors before Manchester’s pace and power forced the game deeper and deeper into Heaton Moor territory and finally the pressure paid off when one of the boys battered his way through the home side’s defence to score Manchester’s second try of the match. Unfortunately the conversion was missed.

Heaton Moor 0 Manchester 10

Stats for this period are as follows: We had three lineouts which we won whilst Heaton Moor had four, losing all of theirs. Heaton Moor were awarded one scrum, which they lost, before the scrums went uncontested. We had no penalties but the home team were given one. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing twice and there were four breakdowns including two knock ons.

SECOND HALF
The early plays of this half and from an early scrum to Manchester they had possession on the halfway line but despite repeated attempts, couldn’t make any progress. The game became one of Manchester passing the ball back and trying to find an opening, sometimes going close to breaching the home side’s defences, but stopped by last-ditch tackles.

It needed a fine try to break the deadlock. who tear the home side’s defence to ribbons again. A series of wide passes from left to right across the field from just inside their own half, allowed the Manchester players to work the ball out to a waiting team mate on the right touchline. He promptly skinned the opposition defence before cutting inside to score between the uprights. A super break and a fine solo try. Unfortunately the conversion was missed.

Heaton Moor 0 Manchester 15

A feature of Manchester’s play in the match was the amount of times they were able to turn the ball over, then turn possession into another attacking move. To Heaton Moor’s credit they defended well and managed to keep the boys out until late in the half when a simple pass found an on-rushing player, who seeing a gap in Heaton Moor’s lines splintered the defence and barged his way through to score, again between the uprights. Unfortunately the conversion was missed.

Heaton Moor 0 Manchester 20

Stats for this half are as follows: We had no lineouts, whilst Heaton Moor had two, losing both. Scrums were uncontested. There were no penalties in this half. Stats showed that in this second period the ball got out to the wing three times and there were four breakdowns once again including two knock ons. Heaton Moor kicked four times whilst Manchester didn’t kick once.

THIRD HALF
From the kick off both sides attacked, this was tit for tat (which coincidentally is the name of a 1980s raunchy antiques show, which coined the phrase “Arthur Negus enjoys”) which made for a marvellously entertaining passage of play. In the wake of some sustained pressure from the visitors, Heaton Moor fought their way into an attacking position and finally broke through the Manchester defence to register some points on the board and a fine conversion kick followed to add a couple more.

Heaton Moor 7 Manchester 20

Stung, from the kick off, Manchester, attacking with purpose, become camped in the shadow of the Heaton Moor posts, trying to force their way across the line. The boys were putting a lot of work in and were rewarded for their efforts when they carved an opening for a player to scoot through and score. Unfortunately the conversion was missed.

FINAL SCORE
Heaton Moor 7 Manchester 25

Stats for this third are as follows: We had two lineouts, winning one whilst Heaton Moor had none. Scrums were uncontested. Heaton Moor had two penalties in this half whilst we had none. Stats showed that in this second period the ball got out to the wing four times and there were four breakdowns once again but no knock ons. Heaton Moor kicked four times whilst Manchester kicked once.

Overall thoughts were that it was good to blow the proverbial cobwebs away and the boys did well adapting to the 3G pitch. The boys held their line well and there was a good number of turnovers won. Back to Steph.....

Thanks to Burnage for the loan of the pitch. I will return the half of the pitch that came home with us in the form of all the little rubber bits that were scattered all over the bathroom and house when I have finished picking them all up. Thanks to Heaton Mersey for the game which was much appreciated after the rugby drought (see the irony there) that we have been subject to recently.