Stopwatches, Seagulls and CS Lewis…???

First fixture of the season and already some casualties but fortunately not of the physical kind, despite George playing with a broken nose and Alex D sporting a broken thumb that has healed remarkably quickly (does he have superpowers? His dad reckons it’s good genes but they must be x-linked if they are).

The fixture was mean to be against Warrington but they did not have sufficient players to fulfil the fixture. The loss of players to football (or the x-box) is something all teams have to go through at this age group and we have certainly been sorry to say goodbye to some of our friends. They will be sorely missed and are welcome back at any time.

Well, hope you have all had a fantastic summer. The boys have been enjoying a few pre-season training sessions and were looking forward to actually playing a game. The day was thankfully dry and only a wee bit windy as Hurricane Nadine’s offspring fortunately had decided to delay its arrival in the UK till later in the week.

This was one of the rare occasions when both my boys were playing at home so my observations of the game were even more sporadic than usual as I went from pitch to pitch. So, we will be relying on Statto ( as usual) for the real information about what went on and his take on the morning!

Statto was really up for it, sporting a smart club waterproof and looking incredibly official and efficient with clipboard in hand. I was expecting him to be looking like a Hindu god and to have sprouted a few extra arms as he had suggested that he could improve the quality of statistical information collated, processed and turned into a Phd by the addition of a stopwatch (or maybe 2!) to time how long the ball is in each teams’ possession and some other techie things that were beyond the wit of a mere woman who does not fully appreciate the nuances of possession percentages, 22 yd lines etc etc. Call me a simpleton but I tend to see (some of the time) that we have the ball and someone is making a great run for it! Usually get that bit wrong too, by shouting “go on” (rather loudly) to encourage them to run when they should be looking to offload (apparently!).

I think the decision had been made to play 4 quarters. I arrived just in time to see the first try for Manchester (got tangled up in the ironing!). Manchester seemed to be dominating and keeping the pressure on Bowdon but Bowdon made the most of any opportunity and scored their own try soon after. Can you tell that I had a bit of news to catch up on and my attention was not fully focused on the game.

Anyhow – I think the first quarter finished 1 try each.

Over to Statto!...

Thanks Steph. For some, there is unbridled joy in the months of May through to August. For rugby statisticians such as myself there is merely the wretched, soulless hamster-wheel of summer. Like many families struggling financially, this year has been another staycation one. We’ve managed to ride out the recession thus far by using the simple expedient of having bugger-all money to begin with. (This isn’t strictly true. We do have savings, they’re just tied up in Nectar Points)

Some mornings it just didn’t seem worth gnawing through the leather restraining straps the family had bought me for my birthday. It got to the point (July 27th, 1.36pm) where I couldn’t be bothered to have another mental breakdown. In desperation I remembered the old adage about learning for life and set off on a voyage of self-discovery. I learnt that my Olympic spirit amounted to having a Lucozade Sport with my pot noodle. That shopping can be both dangerous and confrontational. As someone with an eye for a bargain, Mrs Statto was delighted to discover that the security guard in our local Lidl was off work sick and they hadn’t had time to get in cover, whilst I found my inner pedantry: “No, I don’t want cupcakes and cookies. I want Fairycakes and biscuits. Because I’m British.” And “No, I don’t think anything that comes in a freezer bag of 50 and costs under two quid can accurately be described as ‘gourmet’.” And I learnt about the joys of family-based activities. Don’t get me wrong, my children are pleasant enough but ultimately they’re just sexual by-products and I ‘d much rather be pouring over scrum win percentages by the Pontypridd pack in the 1970s.

They say you can tell a lot about a person from their outfit, and Manchester’s fanatical rugby mums are clearly people who like to rifle through the bags outside Oxfam before the staff turn up. At 10.55 there was a commotion in the distance, and, led by a battle-scarred matriarch, they began their long migration from the comfort of our clubhouse (Comfort! Steph) to the sodden, mud splattered battlefield. “Just once”, I prayed, “Do it with dignity.” But more and more emerged, shuffling and blinking into the watery sunlight, fiercely clutching their bacon baps. One father close by, losing his nerve, moaned “Is this how it ends?” whilst a spokesman for the Jeremy Kyle Show said "I honestly don't know where we're going to put them all." ( You can’t possibly be talking about the bevy of beauties that make up the Manchester mums Rhys)

I stretched. Nerve endings along my aching back screaming in pain from another night spent on the couch - this time for suggesting that our weekend visiting the zoo, the mother-in-law and IKEA was like that book C.S. Lewis wrote.

Looking across the width of the pitch as the teams lined up for the kick off, I saw my boss Steph, her keen analytical rugby mind already navigating future set plays in the opening skirmishes, pathways of possibility only she could fathom. Again I found myself thanking her for the best bit of advice I’d received that summer: “Steph you were absolutely right... Seagull is tastier than it sounds.”

And so the season began.

FIRST QUARTER
We were off, the ball hung high from the kick-off and was gathered cleanly by the Manchester full back who immediately sprinted over the gain line to be tackled well by a Bowdon forward. Both sets of players were quick into the ensuing ruck which would set the pattern (as predicted by Steph) for this quarter. Manchester started to apply the pressure and our pack won a Bowdon scrum with the ball being flung to an on-rushing player who’s initial burst towards the right hand corner was well tackled by a Bowdon forward on the 22 yard line. Again, great work in the lineout forced a turnover. The resulting driving maul created a chance for a Manchester player to dive over the line for the first try of the season.

Back came Bowdon and determined play from their backs saw one of their players carve a way through our defence for a great equalising try. A very enjoyable, evenly contested first quarter ended 1-1.

Stats for the quarter showed that we had no lineouts awarded whilst Preston had one which we won. We both won our one scrum and both of Bowdons’. Manchester managed to turn the ball over twice to Bowdons’ once. This season we can also make a PPI claim (that’s Possession Percentage Integer). Whilst still in it’s infancy and needing a lot of ironing out, myself and Mr Mean Median and Modey Mulvey reckon that Manchester had slightly more of the ball in this period with 54% possession. Please bear in mind that maths is not my strongpoint and reality isn’t Steve’s!

SECOND QUARTER
It was a fantastic helter skelter start to the second quarter by Manchester who immediately found their high-tempo rhythm, and was great to watch. The boys were keen to make yardage, pass and dive into tackles. Bowdon forced a Manchester player into touch and although they won the subsequent lineout with some quick, clean catching, they were immediately put under pressure by a Manchester side hungry to score and retake the lead. The boys turned the ball over well and a couple of short passes saw the ball eventually bungled over the try line by a Manchester player forcing his way through a bevy of Bowdon bodies. We were then treated to a short period of punch, counter punch attacks as both sides sought another try. It was to be another Manchester try. A bullish run by a Manchester forward broke through the Bowdon defence for a fine solo effort.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: We had a solitary lineout which we won whilst Bowdon had three winning two. We had no scrums awarded but won all four of Bowdons’. Manchester managed to turn the ball over twice to Bowdons’ none. Our possession increased in this period. Records show that we enjoyed 61.7% of the ball (which I’ve rounded down to 61% as I’m a miserable misanthropist). The second quarter ended 2 - 0 to Manchester and 3 - 1 to the home side overall.

THIRD QUARTER
What a superb first 20 minutes. Tries, big hits, precise passes, I was exhausted just watching it. Rugby is not a subtle sport. Tactical, complex, even nuanced, certainly. But with two skilled sides such as Manchester and Bowdon, it's about who brings their pace and power to bear most effectively and quickly, and at the start of the third half it was Manchester who again started the brighter, forcing a turn over with the resulting ball sent wide to find a willing runner to gather the ball and batter his way over the line to score. To both teams credit they played some tight rugby this quarter and very few errors were forced. Manchester continued to attack and Bowdon continued to snuff out the danger, until, from a won Bowdon scrum deep in their territory Manchester managed to scramble the ball over the line for the second try of this quarter. Straight from the kick off, the ball was caught cleanly by a Manchester forward who raced over the gain line and through the Bowdon defence, shrugging off a couple of tackles for the third try. A flurry of four penalties were awarded in quick succession with three against Manchester, before the home side managed to score a fourth. This time some great handling and passing from one side of the pitch to the other then back again created the space for one of our players to force his way over the tryline.

Stats for the third period showed that no lineouts were awarded. We had no scrums but won one of Bowdon’s two. We were awarded a single penalty and the opposition three, Manchester managed to turn the ball over once without Bowdon replying. Our possession increased once again to 74.5%. The third quarter ended 4 - 0 to Manchester and 7 - 1 to the home side overall.

FOURTH QUARTER
More changes were made by both teams for the final period and Bowdon came out strong winning a Manchester scrum and soon ran a deserved try in, they pushed our boys hard and won three penalties for their efforts as they strove for a further try. This galvanised Manchester once more into action and finally after a period of sustained pressure of their own they found themselves deep in the Bowdon half with a scrum awarded to them. This one they made no mistake with and a strong Manchester rolling maul forced the ball over the line to level the scores for this last quarter.

A few more stats for this period showed that our visitors had one lineout, which they won. We had twoscrums but won only one of them and Bowdon won their solitary one. The opposition had three penalties whilst our boys had none, Neither side managed to turn the ball over. Possession-wise the teams couldn’t be split at 50% each. The third quarter ended 1 - 1 and the game finished 8 - 2 to Manchester, with an overall ball possession percentage for Manchester of (hang on while I work this out) 59.875%.