THE BEAST FROM THE EAST

My interest in all things meteorological tells me that we are potentially expecting the Beast over the course of the next week – it is meant to be cold weather slipping in after the high pressure that will dominate during the next week. But I wondered whether this would be a good title for our own “near derby” with Heaton Moor and Alty Kersal – think Heaton Moor may be a bit more easterly in latitude than us. However, not sure it really sums up the games but seemed quite a snappy phrase (the Beeb thought so anyway, but then they also came up with “Jim’ll fix it” “ Jeux sans frontiers” and other catchy phrases that don’t ring quite so innocently of late). Anyhow waffle over – it is the warming glass of Old Peculiar that I am sat here quaffing that gives rise to meaningless drivel – what’s your excuse Rhys!!!!? Hi Steph, I’m with you on this one. As energy costs spiral, many householders are relying on alcohol to get a warm feeling. I can’t afford to heat the house, but this bottle of Scotch I’m nursing gives me a warm inner glow. The kids like it too, it helps them sleep in a way that just having the radiators on didn’t... but I’m rambling, back to you...
BRAZILIAN
Started off with a warming brew in the bar – it was raining again and Jen had already had an accident with her straighteners that morning – got burnt – just ask her to show you where! so didn’t want to jeopardise any coiffure in the inclement weather. (I did Steph. Apparently The World Wildlife Fund are using a photo of it to illustrate that over 22 square miles of the Brazilian Rainforest are lost each day to the actions of commercial logging, cattle grazing and unruly beavers...) I was going to say the mums ambled out for the start of the games but thought that might give Rhys visions of bison on the plains or some other simile of marauding mothers that he could use. Anyhow we made our way out to pitches in a delicate and ladylike fashion and huddled up under umbrellas. ( I’m just Pleased that the Oxford English Dictionary have finally accepted all three of my collective nouns for Manchester U12s Mums - a Sloth of, a Stumble of, and a Walk of Shame of – Statto).
FUMBLY
As usual, I was not fully concentrating on the action so will rely on Rhys for the more prosaic descriptions but my overall impression of the game between Manchester and Heaton Moor was that it was a tough one, with Heaton Moor putting some good committed tackles in but not managing to quash Manchester. It seemed like Manchester started off a bit slowly and fumbly (is that a word, or a name of a children’s cartoon character?) but gradually woke up and got going, the score eventually reflecting this.
STEAMED
Against Alty Kersal (with some Heaton Moor players) again we took a little while to settle into the game. Apparently the stats show that the opposition had most of the possession but we made the most of breaks and had some speedy players who steamed some tries in. I was a bit distracted by the fact the sun had come out!
DEBRIEFED
Summing up:
Noticed some nice little moves coming into play suggesting the boys are playing in a more mature way. They also seem to be more aware of each other during play. The debrief after the games showed that when asked they are beginning to be able to reflect on their play and what they have done well or not so well which is an important skill in developing their game sense.

Over to you Rhys for the proper rugby information.....

TWO THANK YOUS...
Thanks Steph. I too was watching out for ‘The Beast From The East’ or failing that, a 20 stone Dutch Dominatrix.

Before I start there’s a couple of ‘Thank Yous’ I must mention. Firstly, I received a wonderful hamper from Ali Clarke and the organisers of the Winter Ball, Fashion Show and Gentlemen’s Evening for the posters and menu designs I threw together. Many, many thanks for this, it’s greatly appreciated. Earlier this week I found a parcel shoved through my letterbox from the Manchester U12s Mums. Whatever was inside had a soft and squidgy texture. “Hmm” I thought “Is it a new Penguin Legion Tri-Colour beanie, or maybe a pair of Rab Icefall Gauntlet gloves?” The note attached to the dead seabird read: “Here’s your Cormorant.” Big hugs to Adele and the girls! Great work ladies!

...AND A RANT
Sadly it all went downhill from there. Seasonal television adverts depicting harmonious families, train journeys unaffected by snow and women receiving gifts of tasteful underwear (in a sort of dull green/grey combination, filmed in a soft, almost blurred 1970s style for H&M) are deliberately misrepresenting the true horror of being stuck at home with near strangers, in a poisonous atmosphere of barely constrained anger and bitterness, trapped by hostile weather conditions and compulsory family fun. So naturally, what began as a gnawing irritation at the start of the week has now grown to consume my every waking thought. Why does the snowman in the John Lewis advert give his ‘snow wife’ a hat and scarf. She’s made of snow!!! Why would she need to keep her head warm!?! What is wrong with him? Does he want to spend Christmas with a headless corpse?

FAKED IT
For the last few years I’ve tried faking my own death for the chance of enjoying some peaceful solitude on Christmas Day. But they always send someone round. Usually they shout ‘Merry Christmas’ through the letterbox, to which I reply, ‘Go away, I’ve got a harpoon gun’ before they break in and manhandle me, kicking and screaming into their car. “Oh look! It’s the Grinch” they all laugh as one of them shoves a bowl of sodden, overcooked sprouts under my nose, adding “Even the Grinch learned the true meaning of Christmas.” “Yes” I reply through teeth ground flat. “His heart swelled three sizes, a symptom of the pericarditis that killed him on Boxing Day.”

But this year, I’ve given up. With only three more Chelsea managers to go before Christmas, my only hope is that the Mayans haven’t miscalculated their ‘End of the World’ prediction for the 21st December. Although they were one of the few ancient civilizations to understand the concept of zero, knowing my luck they’ll have forgotten to carry the one and Friday will be mainly dry with rain in places. So while I go and finish off wrapping the presents up for the kids (I’ve already hidden the wife’s. It’s in her sexy underwear drawer. She’ll never think of looking in there. Ever) here’s the match report.

ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME...
...numerous violent threats that any gift under a hundred quid would result in a month on the couch and that the apparent severe downturn in my health “will be made to look like an accident”. And on the ninth day of Christmas Manchester played host to Heaton Moor and Altrincham Kersal.

FIRST QUARTER (HEATON MOOR)
Manchester kicked off and immediately took control. All the early pressure was in the Heaton Moor half forcing the opposition into a number of defensive kicks. But still the lads couldn’t force a try. We knew before the game that Heaton Moor would come out with all their fire and make it difficult for us, their tough tackling and scrambled defences caused the boys to cede possession on a number of occasions and seemed destined to keep Manchester at bay until a delightfully fed pass set up a series of well executed passes across the width of the pitch for an on-rushing Manchester player to put the afterburners on and scorch over in the corner. From the restart Manchester again had a decent period of possession, trying to crash through the heart of Heaton Moor’s defence but the visitor’s manage to repel the attacks and produce a couple of beautiful clearance kicks to send Manchester right back to their own 22.

Overall thoughts for this period were that the attacking play was in parts quite impressive, the boys managed to get the ball out to the wings a number of times which stretched the opposition defence, but Heaton Moor playing with a number of over-aged players tackled hard - A great test for our lads. Manchester were very solid in defence when called upon, tackling well and not giving an inch, which continues to please. On the minus side we made a number of handling errors in the middle of the park.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester didn’t kick the ball whilst Heaton Moor kicked four times. We had two lineouts, winning one whilst Heaton Moor had two, losing both. We had two scrums, which we won, whilst Heaton Moor were awarded three, winning one. We had two penalties but the visitors were given one. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing five times but there were five breakdowns.

Manchester 1 Heaton Moor 0

SECOND QUARTER (HEATON MOOR)
Heaton Moor kicked off. Again Manchester took the play to them and again were made to work hard for any small gain. Although they ran with purpose and intent, each promising move was well rebuffed by Heaton Moor’s stern defence, either through good tackling or Manchester’s lack of support players isolating the ball runner. The first try of the quarter, when it came, was the result of some fine attacking play by Manchester’s forwards pressurising the visitors with a short series of accurate passes which ended with the ball released at just the right moment for a support player to scramble the ball over the line from a few yards out. The second try was something out of a 1950’s B Movie Horror film. Manchester aimlessly threw the ball about in their own half, committing the cardinal sin of not looking where they were passing. (I don’t think I’ve seen a worse series of passes by the boys since the tag days!) But somehow they managed to get away with it. Each wayward pass was sharply and well caught on the upward curve of it’s first erratic bounce, keeping it out of Heaton Moor’s reach. And somehow, from this most unpromising of beginnings, Manchester crossed the centre line and attacked with purpose - the final pass was to a sprinting support player to race down the touchline from the opponent’s 22 and ground the ball in the corner.

Overall thoughts for this period. Not a pretty half. There were periods of good, slick play but whether by our own design, Heaton Moor’s continued dogged resistance or, in my opinion, a combination of both, we stopped sending the ball the way of the outside backs and onwards to the wings and so looked less like the dangerous outfit Manchester is.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester didn’t kick the ball whilst Heaton Moor kicked twice. We had one lineout which we won whilst Heaton Moor also had one, which they won. We had one scrum, which we won, whilst Heaton Moor were awarded two, losing both. Both sides were awarded one penalty. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing twice but there was only one breakdown.

Manchester 2 Heaton Moor 0

FINAL SCORE
Manchester 3 Heaton Moor 0

THIRD QUARTER (ALTRINCHAM KERSAL)
Manchester kicked off and the play was evenly split between both halves. The early highlight from a Manchester point of view being a beautifully executed scissors move. Then things got a bit weird. For the first time this season Manchester weren’t enjoying the lion’s share of the possession. The momentum was all with Alty Kersal who asked a lot of questions of Manchester. The boys had some serious defensive work to do to escape to the end of this quarter in one piece. Just when it wasn’t looking good for Manchester and it seemed that the visitors would go over the try line, we were treated to the try of the morning. A Manchester player made a determined run into the Kersal half. Just as he was tackled he managed to pop a pass beautifully to a support player on his shoulder who rolled off the passing player and sprinted through the heart of the Altrincham defence to score - Wonderful play all round. Try as hard as they might Manchester couldn’t wrest the initiative away from the visitors and had to withstand more attacks, but to their credit they tackled hard and their own try line was seldom threatened for the rest of the half. A turnover deep in Manchester’s half gave our boys the possession. A neat pick up and go by a Manchester player, charging down the touchline, secured the win in this quarter.

Overall thoughts for this period. Generally, a well contested game. Manchester were put under a lot of pressure throughout this period but stood up well to it. the key to the win was the huge defensive effort put in to keep Altrincham Kersal out. That, combined with some clinical opportunism, was the difference. Balls out to the wing were at a premium though!

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester didn’t kick the ball whilst Altrincham Kersal kicked once. We had no lineouts, whilst Altrincham Kersal had two, losing both. We had one scrum, which we won, whilst the visitors were awarded three, winning all of them. Both sides were awarded two penalties. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing once but there were four breakdowns.

Manchester 2 Altrincham Kersal 0

FOURTH QUARTER (ALTRINCHAM KERSAL)
Kersal kicked off and normality was restored with Manchester putting the visitors under pressure. From the off the boys went in search of a try and a nice interchange of passes managed to breach the well drilled Alty defence giving a Manchester player the chance to force the ball over from a few yards out. The second try came from a well worked series of passes across the pitch ending with a ball out to a rushing player to break down the touchline from around the opposition 22 and score in the corner. The last try of the morning was the result of three well executed passes inside from the wing which opened up the Kersal defence allowing a Manchester player to crash through and ground the ball.

Overall thoughts for this period. Manchester hassled and pressed Kersal hard in this quarter backed up by some solid defence when needed, tackling well and not giving an inch. Once again though all the attacking seemed to go through the middle of the park.

Stats for this quarter are sparse but are as follows: Both sides kicked the ball once. We had no lineouts, whilst Altrincham Kersal had one, which they won. We had one scrum, which we won, whilst the visitors had none. Kersal were awarded four penalties whilst we had none. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing once but there were two breakdowns.

Manchester 3 Altrincham Kersal 0

FINAL SCORE
Manchester 5 Altrincham Kersal 0

OVERALL SUMMING UP
Today our rush defence was good and a number of the tries scored were from opposition breakdowns. Once again we didn’t concede a try. It was a morning of two parts. We played some good rugby in part, but also produced some messy play and the need to work on our quick ball delivery was highlighted. Overall a day to learn from.