Have you seen my sausage? A tale of mud, randomness and sausages

Quotes about sausages:

“Laws are like sausages. It’s better not to see how they are made.”
Otto Von Bismarck (1815-1898)

“Don’t tie your dog to a leash of sausages.”
French proverb

“Sausages”
Prince the dog on ‘That’s Life’ (1970s)

“A highbrow is the kind of person who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.”
Alan Patrick Herbert, Sir (1890-1971)

The last quotation brings me back to Statto! Not wanting to be outdone with Statto’s philosophical, anthropological, archaeological and historical “facts” and observations, I was looking up meteorological phenomena that I could maybe use in the report and was intrigued by the Morning Glory Cloud. I was hopeful of an appearance of some Morning Glory (even though they tend to occur in Australia apparently) but our trip to Sedgley Park (for a postponed Lancs Cup fixture) began with a damp and drizzly start. Parents huddled in the stands watching the boys stretch their legs with a run round the pitch. We also closely observed Mark manage a straight line to the clubhouse in search of caffeine and a butty after his marathon session at Twickers yesterday (finished by a visit to Alderley Edge at 2.00am! How do you do it Mark?!!!). Sadly, no signs of any Morning Glory, but the drizzle lifted a bit and the game commenced!

Hi Steph - the increasingly bitter and frustrated Mrs Statto says that in her experience Morning Glories are pale, weak and frankly aren’t worth getting up for. She did add however, that if you’re interested, she was sure Professor Brian Cox mentioned them in one of his charming little ‘Astronomy-lite’ programmes he chugs out for the masses. Here’s an idea. I’ll tweet Brian and see if he fancies bobbing down to the club and showing you a Morning Glory when he knows there’s one about to happen. How brilliant would that be! Everybody loves Cox - I know I do! Failing that, if there’s any of our readers who have photos of Morning Glories they’d like to send to Steph, I’m sure she’ll be more that happy to pass on her email address. Back to you at the Sports Desk Steph.

The lads have been itching for a game with all the cancellations of late (due to weather caused by sudden stratospheric warming, didn’t’cha know!) but the lack of match practice was evident at the beginning as Manchester started off dropping the ball, slipping and not quite knowing which way to go. However, it was the same for Sedgley Park. After about 10mins we were getting “into our groove” a bit more and retrieving dropped balls better, both ours and Sedgley Parks. Over the course of the game, the boys managed to get the ball out wider and there were some flashes of what the boys do well during the second half.

As usual, the fine detail of the game eludes me (apparently I spent a fair bit of time wandering up and down the stand randomly interrupting conversations and occasionally squawking – there is probably a medical name for this condition. (Best guess Steph is that it’s either a chronic dependency on 2007 Gaja Barbaresco Red overlying a bout of St Vitus Dance, or you’re possessed by demons. Either way you should think about a visit to Majestic Wines or an exorcist. Hope that helps, Statto) But I felt as if there were lots of scrums (Statto can confirm if this is the case). This was hard work for the pack and they did a great job of returning to the fray, time after time.

Manchester’s pressure paid off with a try and after that they consistently kept the pressure on. They even managed to foil Sedgley Parks best attempt at a try 10 yards off their own try line with some strong defence and great kicking to clear the ball out of the area.

Hi Steph- agree totally with your summing up of the half. Sedgley kicked off and Manchester immediately attacked with a nice set of passes, tossing the ball in towards the centre before gifting possession back to Sedgley with an early knock-on. We won the resulting scrum and again fed the ball out to the wing, but the attempt at some running rugby was quickly snuffed out by some determined tackling by the home side. After the initial surge by Manchester the game became more evenly contested, with each team grinding forward trying to find a gap in the others defence.

Finally mid-way through the half the deadlock was broken. A ruck formed a few yards out from the home side’s try line. The ball was ripped out of the clutches of a Sedgley Park defender and bundled over the line by a twisting, spinning Manchester player for the first score of the game.

Sedgley Park restarted with a high kick that was well fielded but forced into touch under pressure from the opposition backs. Once again Manchester took the initiative, but electing to go more often than not through the centre, attempting to crash through the Sedgley defence, the momentum was kept up though with some excellent ratting work done with our players scrambling for, and winning, any loose ball and some flashes of ingenuity such as a simply sublime pop pass which deserved a try, but once again was stopped by some strong defensive work by the opposition.

The second try was the result of this pressure. Manchester again won a scrum against the head, deep in Sedgley’s half. The ball was flipped into the centre for a waiting Manchester player to crash through the defence and scramble the ball over the line. Overall the boys showed good commitment and some strong tackling in this half.

Stats for this half are as follows: Both sides kicked the ball once. We had no lineouts whilst Sedgley Park had three winning one. We had three scrums, which we won, whilst Sedgley Park were awarded four, losing all of them. Manchester were awarded a penalty whilst Sedgley Park weren’t. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing three times with two breakdowns.

VERDICT: Henry VII did it, with a shovel, in the car park.

FIRST HALF
Sedgley Park 0 Manchester 2

Back to the overview from Steph - The second half seemed very similar to the first with Sedgley Park thwarting Manchester’s dominance in possession but with the Manchester boys showing tenacity, keeping their cool and making it through to score another 3 tries (also over the line for one try not given as held up). Sedgley Park managed to put in a final flourish to score in the last seconds.
Damn straight Steph! The second half started with a fabulous kick by Manchester. All the play early on was in the Sedgley Park half. In fact we were camped within a few feet of the try line. Three times Manchester crossed the line and three times the ball was held up valiantly. One thing to mention at this point was that the snap in the scrum was superb. Failing with the direct approach the ball was fed wide from a won scrum with the receiving player running at an angle across the pitch, delaying his pass to perfection as he drew the Sedgley Park defender in before releasing the ball to the on rushing Manchester player racing down the wing to score, uncontested, in the corner. Beautiful try.

The fourth try of the game began on the wing and through a series of five passes very quickly found a Manchester player who crashed through a wrong footed defence to score. The fifth followed soon after with the ball being passed sharply out of the resulting melee of a won scrum against the head to a Manchester player to scramble the ball over the line from a couple of yards out. With the final move of the game Sedgley Park scored in the corner.

Stats for this half are as follows: Manchester kicked the ball once whilst Sedgley Park kicked twice. We had two lineouts which we won whilst Sedgley Park had one which they lost. We had three scrums, which we won, whilst Sedgley Park were awarded one, losing it, before the scrums went uncontested. Manchester were awarded two penalties whilst Sedgley Park had none. Stats showed that in this first period the ball got out to the wing four times with no breakdowns.

VERDICT: This match report contains horse molecules.
Overall, very good, particularly the rucking and scrums. We were also in their faces all game. Our counter-rucking was excellent because we relied on technique. Well done.

FINAL SCORE
Sedgley Park 1 Manchester 5