MOTHERS PRIDE OR MOTHERS RUIN?

Mother’s Day. We had to have some trivia about this but some of it is too shocking to note here. Look it up. Anyhow, some interesting facts: the UK is the 10th best place to be a mum in the world. (the USA is 25th). Don’t ask me what the criteria are. The Nordic countries top the charts so it can’t be to do with weather - don’t fancy watching offspring playing rugby in their winter conditions.

The are some awful figures about the numbers of children people have had. A lady in the 18th century had 69 children and 67 survived. That was 16 sets of twins and some sets of triplets and quads!!!!!!!! In modern times there is a woman who claims 64 children but “only” 55 documented. Did the woman ever get out of bed?

On Mothers day, Simnel cake and other delicacies such as carlings are eaten - pancakes made of steeped pease fried in butter, with pepper and salt. In fact, in some places this day was called Carling Sunday. I think this is what they’re calling it in the club but not anything to do with pancakes but more the beverages while the 6 Nations matches are on.

Breezy morning and that was only in the Lewis bedroom this morning. Much colder wind outside. But dry. So reasonable atmospheric conditions for the game against west park. The teams faced up. West park had some big lads. Impressions. The first 10 mins was a tightly contested match with neither side giving much. The cold weather seemed to affect hands and some balls were slipped and dropped. After 15 mins the ball was moved more creatively and got out wide. In the second half the opposition tired a bit and Manchester continued to move the ball and the opportunities appeared which they made full use of. Over to Statto for a full description.

Hi Steph. How one throwaway line from last week’s match report can create such a virtual avalanche of correspondence I will never know, but, every day our postman has struggled up the long and winding gravel path, dodging peacocks and the rather arthritic leopard, with his heavy sack bulging, as if ready to burst. And every day, as I’m far too absorbed with ‘A Check-list and Atlas of the Seaweed of Britain and Ireland’ published by the British Phycological Society, Mrs Statto has relieved him of his load. I must say that as he passes the french windows of my east-wing study on his trek back to the gamekeeper’s lodge where I’ve insisted he park his van, he always wears a satisfied grin - It’s so nice to see someone happily going about their work.

The Scots have ‘Tossing the Caber’, the English have ‘Guy Fawkes’ and the Irish have ‘Kicking Bishop Brennan Up The A**e’ but the quaint Welsh custom of catapulting a sacrificial man born to the east of Chester into our life-giving star has certainly excited a great number of our readers, and, judging by the letters I’ve received, many appear to be Manchester U12s Mums. I’m most gratified that some of you have been inspired enough to try it out for yourselves, admittedly with very mixed results (although none of you seem to mind either way). Indeed, a letter landed on my Victorian walnut “Dickens Desk” handcrafted by Bulstrode of Cambridge this morning and, putting my Skyentist hat on for a moment, my reply to this young lady’s questions might go some way towards answering the many queries on this subject:

Dear name and Address Supplied

1. Absolutely. Well done you! Many congratulations on launching “Ioannides 1”.

2. Probably not. At best I’d say Mars. To enable an Englishman to climb into low Earth orbit, it is necessary to achieve a speed, in excess of 28,000 km per hour. A speed of over 40,250 km per hour, called escape velocity, enables the Englishman to leave Earth and travel out into deep space. I’ve gone over your calculations of force = mass x acceleration and feel that this isn’t where the fault lies. I believe it’s in your choice of propellent for the journey - I’d hate to see the Visa Card bill you’ve run up at Standard Fireworks.

3. Yes, if that’s what you want. He should be nearing the International Space Station any time now and be able to dock safely providing his socket is fully compatible with European ones. If not, it could get messy! (not that we’d know of course, because in space no one can hear you scream).

4. I’d think so. There’s funding available from the European Space Agency if you are intent on turning this into an ongoing mission, and why not, the Welsh Space Programme only began 30 years ago as a by-product of our research into mastering fire. (Who can forget 1979 when an attempt to light a cooker led to the formation of Anglesey). Since then the closest we’ve got to unlocking the secrets of the naked flame has been by rubbing two ducks together or hitting people who live in Flint.

Hope that helps.

FIRST QUARTER
West Park kicked off, playing towards the Trees End of Grove Park. The ball was knocked on, giving the visitors the first scrum of the game, which they won. It took Manchester a little while to get into their stride and start putting pressure on the opposition, time and again despite repeated attempts, they couldn’t make any progress. Then about half way through the first quarter Manchester won their own scrum out on the flank and the ball was fed swiftly into the middle for an on-rushing player take the ball over the West Park 22 and find an opening in their defence to score. Manchester continued searching for a second but were stopped by last-ditch tackles near the try line before, finally, a Manchester player managed to squeeze through a narrow gap and ground the ball.

Thoughts on this quarter were that Manchester defended well soaking up West Park’s early pressure before gradually asserting themselves in a quarter dominated by scrums. Great to see the ball played out to the wings so often too.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester kicked the ball, whilst West Park kicked three times. We had one lineout, which we won, whilst West Park also had one, which they lost. We had five scrums, which we won, whereas West Park were awarded six, winning five. We had one penalty whilst the opposition were given three. Stats showed that in this match the ball got out to the wing six times but there were two breakdowns.
Manchester 2 West Park 0

SECOND QUARTER
Manchester kicked off and immediately ripped the ball from the opposition. A series of wide passes from left to right across the field from just inside the West Park half, got the ball to a waiting Manchester player on the far touchline to sprint and score in the corner. The fourth try was a fine solo effort with a Manchester player gathering the ball on his right wing, cutting inside and running diagonally across the pitch towards the far wing and several missed opposition tackles later, scored in the left hand corner. Manchester regained possession from a won scrum against the head and with some lovely ball handling skills the ball is fed to a racing player to break through the West Park ranks and score. The visitors never gave up, and some brilliant defensive work by West Park soaked up wave after wave of attack and succeeded in keeping the home side out with some magnificent tackling and smothering in a marvellously entertaining passage of play, before Manchester struck again. They were camped on the opposition try line and being furiously kept out when a Manchester player saw an opening and dived over the line. Try seven was an odd one. The ball ran loose and neither side reacted until a Manchester player picked it up and dashed through the defence to score. The last try of the morning was another fine solo effort, starting in the Manchester half with a player managing to crash through a number of tackles to score a try with the last play of the match.

Thoughts on this quarter were that Manchester got more creative as the match continued an still defended well. They continued to feed the ball out to the wings, but I suspect the freezing cold weather meant that more and more breakdowns were made.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester didn’t kick the ball, whilst West Park kicked twice. We had no lineouts, whilst West Park had two, which they won. We had two scrums, which we won, whereas West Park were awarded seven, winning five. We had no penalties whilst the opposition were given two. Stats showed that in this match the ball got out to the wing four times but there were six breakdowns.

Many thanks to West Park for a great, well contested match played in ice cold weather.