“GETHIN THERE!”

A first tonight. Starting the match report the night before the game against Altrincham Kersal as basking in the glow of a brilliant Welsh win against England to take the 6 Nations title 2013. As Welsh genes dominate in the Lewis household I have to support the scarlet clad warriors and I must say it was fantastic. Never seen Jeremy Guscott and Clive Woodward look so glum. I'm sure Statto will have some comments on the subject given his Welsh heritage. Can't wait. I bet Statto is a regular taffy puller ( the Welsh custom of toffee pulling to the uninitiated). Over to the main man....

Bore da Steph. Every Sunday morning begins with the same ritual: “Have you got your mouthguard?” “Check.” “Body Armour?” “Check.” “Drink?” “Check.” “Large Welsh flag?” “Check.” “Better take two...”

And every St Patrick’s Day begins with a trip to Altrincham Kersal and the land of my fathers, or mothers in my case. Feeling peckish en route, I stopped off with Stat ap 2.0 for breakfast. I went for a dish made with a savoury sauce of melted cheese and various other ingredients (such as ale, mustard, ground cayenne pepper or ground paprika) and served hot, after being poured over slices of toasted bread. When you’re cold, tired, hungry or just watched your side smash England, nothing beats this. Stat-fach was already greedily chomping his way through a sausage bap, pausing only to say: “This banger’s nice but the bread it’s... the bread of heaven!”

I stood on the touchline, hands stuffed deep into pockets, the game in front of me a blur to my unfocused eyes as I tried to mentally compose the climatic ending to my new novel - a dark psychological thriller based in Cwmbran, about two rival film buffs and their increasingly bitter feud, called “1001 films to see before you, Dai”. It’s a sequel to the bestselling “Dial M for Merthyr” and the controversial “Dai’s Wide Open”. Usually this season I’d manage a chapter per game, stopping midway through the last quartery-thing to guesstimate the stats, but today the incessant chatter meant I couldn’t concentrate. Sighing, I listened to the inane ramblings of the hoi polloi. Apparently, Wales had beaten one of the emerging nations at rugby the previous day, but hadn’t won the ‘Slam Dunk’ or something... I actually think I caught a minute or so of it on TV, but it just seemed to be shots of young ladies grinning like loons for the camera. It reminded me of my years of experience filming sporting events and zooming in on the saucy women in the crowd which was apparently deemed ‘inappropriate’ when I covered last year’s Armistice Day Service.

HANNER CYNTAF
Manchester kicked off and immediately creating a platform to attack the Altrincham Kersal defence. After sustained pressure close to the home side’s try line, a ruck formed with the ball being released and picked up off the floor. Kersal’s defence responded quickly and tackled the on-rushing Manchester player just as he managed to execute a lovely pop pass to a support player to race over the line and score. The conversion kick was good.

The early exchanges were ferocious, physical and frantic. Hits were hard by the home side as Manchester continued to show attacking intent, continually probing with powerful surges down the wings. When required they were solid in defence too. The second try duly came from a ripped ball five yards out from the Kersal try line which was scrambled over the line. Once again the resulting kick was made. What was pleasing from a Manchester perspective was that the boys regularly chose to run down the wings. It was proving to be a very effective strategy and allowed some of Manchesters’ nippy ball-carriers to build some impressive multi-phase sets. This style of play brought about tries three and four, both the results of lovely series of passes and fine support play. Two more successful conversions followed these fine scores.

The last try of the half began with the ball being fed out of a scrum won against the head to a waiting player who ran at a tight angle across the pitch before managing to ground the ball in the corner. The last conversion was tricky as a sudden gust of wind picked up, but the Manchester player’s kick was perfection as he managed to ‘Bend It Like Brecon’.

VERDICT: How Green Was Myfanwy
Thoughts on this third were that the size of the pitch again made for a congested game. Manchester had a very good half, seeming to pounce on every opportunity and managing to get the ball out wide a pleasing amount of times.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester kicked the ball once, whilst Alty Kersal didn’t. Neither side had any lineouts. We had two scrums, which we won, whilst Alty Kersal were awarded four, winning three. Neither side had any penalties. Stats showed that in this match the ball got out to the wing six times and there were two breakdowns.
Manchester 35 Altrincham Kersal 0

AIL HANNER
Manchester again had the better of the early exchanges and their higher intensity forced Alty Kersal onto the back foot. The home side’s defence was solid as they held out against some very concerted Manchester attacks. The opening try of the period came from a sharp set of passes out to the wing for the Manchester player to sprint over the line from a few yards out. Clinical finishing. New conversion kicker for this half and he calmly slotted it over. Back came Kersal, attacking with purpose into Manchester’s half seeking a deserved try of their own. Unfortunately the move broke down and a nice pass, again out to the wing, released a player to race nearly the length of the pitch unopposed to score in the corner. Again the conversion kick was good.
The scrums now went uncontested and it was from a Manchester put in that the ball was fed out sweetly in three passes to an on-rushing player to catch and drive over the line for the third try of the period. The resulting conversion kick sailed cleanly over. Following a powerful break down the touchline the ball was passed in towards the centre for a Manchester player to stormed deep into Kersal territory and force his way over the line to score the fourth try of the period. Another conversion kicker, another conversion kick made. The last try of the half came from an unlucky spill by a home side player after a Manchester kick to relieve pressure (all credit to Kersal, who throughout the match never dropped their heads, great work fellas!) An alert Manchester player picked up the loose ball and went! Sprinting over the line to score. This time the conversion was missed.

VERDICT: Some like it Splott
Thoughts on this third were that once again Manchester had a good half, but the pitch was heavy. Altrincham also put us under pressure at various points, which our defence coped with well.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester kicked the ball twice, whilst Alty Kersal didn’t. Both sides had a lineout. We won ours whilst Kersal lost theirs. Scrums were uncontested. Kersal were awarded a single penalty. Stats showed that in this match the ball got out to the wing four times and there were three breakdowns.

Manchester 33 Altrincham Kersal 0

TRYDYDD TRYDYDD
Manchester once more pushed on with purpose. The first try in the last session was a good one. Alty managed to hold the ball up well near their try line, defending excellently as manchester pitched their camp in the Kersal 22. A fine tackle by a Kersal player saw the downed Manchester lad manage to pop the pass up to a support player to crash through the opposition execute a fine scissors move to a team mate who ran and scored from a few yards out. Third different kicker of the morning saw the ball sail over the posts. From a quickly taken penalty, the ball is flashed left for an on-rushing player to gallop down the line to score in the corner. The kick was again a good one. Straight from the resulting kick off the ball was caught and carried the length of the pitch for an unopposed try. The scorer even had enough breath left to take the conversion and score. A mistake at an Alty scrum led to the ball being sent out to the wing once more for a player to gather and sprint to the far corner and dot down for try number 14 of the day. The kick was missed and Altrincham from the restart swarmed into the Manchester half and despite some great defensive work managed to force their way over the line to score to the delight of both sets of parents.

VERDICT: Last Tango in Powys
Thoughts on this third were that Manchester gain had a good half, but by now the pitch was heavy and must have sapped the boys energy. What was pleasing is that over the course of the three ‘halves’ all the boys made telling contributions and they mixed the plays up well between getting the ball out to the wings and the more direct route. All in all a great display! I got goosebumps. To be fair though I had told the geese it was my birthday.

Stats for this quarter are as follows: Manchester kicked the ball once, whilst Alty Kersal didn’t. Though Manchester didn’t have a lineout, Kersal had three, winning two. Scrums were uncontested. Both teams were awarded a single penalty. Stats showed that in this match the ball got out to the wing three times and there were no breakdowns.

Manchester 28 Altrincham Kersal 7

SGOR TERFYNOL
Manchester 96 Altrincham Kersal 7

Many thanks to Altrincham Kersal for a well contested match, played in excellent spirit and all the best for the rest of the season.