Festival Fantasies

Lots of letters in my postbag after last week's match report. "Does sleeping count as not drinking?" asks one anxious Manchester U12 mum. "How can I accurately predict the date my husband's life will fall to bits and his libido shrivel and finally crumble to dust as he spends his remaining years floundering in a sea of male nightmares?" queries 'Hopeful of Hazel Grove'. And "I know washing machines last longer with Calgon, but will my husband?" writes 'Why Is He Still Breathing? of Bramhall'. All good questions, and I'm truly sorry I can't be bothered to answer any of them personally. I'd also like to thank everyone for sending their drawings in. I'm sorry that we're unable to return any as I've passed them over to the police.
This year's Manchester Festival marks the end of an era for our boys. There will be no more. A small milestone in their development as rugby players and young men has been reached, and passed.
For one last time our parents watched as their boys took to the pitch in our stadium, looking, for a few hours at least, like pint-sized versions of our 1st XV out there. I of course took up a spot just far enough away from the maddening crowd, those great unwashed, with their seething, nightmarish jungle of microscopic ghouls which wriggle and tiggle and jiggle inside them, but still in line of sight of the larger than usual Wicker Man our U12s Mums had erected during the night.
So, as I sat in fear that I'd be forced to shake someone's snot-soiled hands, I realized there’s a point in everybody’s life where, unbeknownst to them, they reach the midway point of their existence. Given my past lifestyle, I was unsurprised to discover it was during a double physics lesson. While I waited to draw either my last breath or for the festival to start I jotted down these useful notes to the teams in Group B.
ROUGH GUIDE TO THE TEAMS IN GROUP B- In association with Apple Maps

MANCHESTER (HOSTS): Nestled snugly between the twin peaks of Brokeback Mountain and Benny Hill, Manchester is mostly famous for the time its U12s Mums began worshipping the man who installed the floodlights at Grove Park as a ‘sun god’.
LIVERPOOL COLLEGIATE
Liverpool Collegiate is made up of numerous volcanic islands spread across two coral atolls, lying approximately 11,585 miles off the coast of New Zealand. The climate is tropical and much of the islands are still covered by a lush, primeval rainforest. Farming predominates, with a range of food and cash crops grown, chiefly coconuts, vanilla and ylang-ylang.

LYMM
Although magical, getting to the land of Lymm is fairly easy. Travel options include walking through wardrobes, blowing someone's horn, touching a magician's ring or by bus. Once there, prepare to be utterly charmed by the myriad talking animals and mythical creatures.

NORTHWICH
Northwich has been an important salt producing town since the Iron Age. It was recorded in the Domesday Book and seen incursions from Normans, Vikings and Romans. But what is less well known is that nearby there's one of the earliest cave paintings in Britain which shows a Neanderthal being eaten by a sabre-toothed cat while other members of the tribe watch from a nearby tree. The scene is accompanied by primitive lettering thought to spell ‘LOL’.

STOCKPORT: Stockport was hailed as a 'new Earth' when its discovery by the Kepler space telescope was announced in December 2011. It was the first known transiting planet to orbit in the habitable (so called 'Goldilocks') zone of a Sun-like star. Located 600 light-years away in the constellation of Cygnus, Stockport is roughly 2.4 times the size of Earth.

Steph here – thought I was just pitch marshalling the other side of the fence but it appears that the gate worked a bit like the wardrobe (C.S Lewis featuring rather a lot in our literary reports of late!) and led to another world! Was Statto partaking of some witches brew? Perhaps he should try some!
I had a drop and thought I was hallucinating when I saw Statto running across the pitch and for one brief second, Jenny and I thought that he was going to cast off the newly acquired Manchester coat and disprove that he is the God of Small things! (see previous reports!). Sadly, this was not to be and as our blood pressure returned to normal we realised the run was in aid of another injured Manchester player.
Back to Statto!

GAME ONE - STOCKPORT
Stockport kicked off and right from the start Manchester were in their faces with the whole game played in the opposition half. A scrambled try from from a turned over ball at a Stockport lineout gave the hosts a deserved early lead. The second try was a fabulous solo run with the Manchester player ghosting through a gap, streaking clear of the opposition defence, to touch down. Manchester attacked straight from the restart with the boys producing some great attacking runs. The third and final try of this match came from another turned over ball half way into the Stockport half, Manchester immediately capitalised by moving the ball out to the left with three sharp passes for a waiting player who was able to ride tackles on his way to the line.

Comments from Guest reporter Chunky Lewis- “Generally, scrum looked very solid and provided a great platform to play form, and along with the attacking play, Manchester were very solid in defence when called upon, tackling well and not giving an inch”

Stats for this match are as follows: We had no lineouts whilst Stockport had one which they lost. We had two scrums awarded which we won and we also won five of Stockport's’ seven. We were awarded no penalties but Stockport were given three. Manchester managed to turn the ball over eight times to Stockport's none.

FINAL SCORE MANCHESTER 3 STOCKPORT 0

GAME TWO - LIVERPOOL COLLEGIATE
Liverpool Collegiate kicked off and Manchester found it hard to get their rhythm going. A good run down the blindside which although eventually forced over the touchline and out of play by some determined Liverpool defending seemed to spark the boys to life and the first try when it came was a direct run straight from a Manchester penalty. We began to ask questions of Liverpool but they managed to repel our attacks with some stout defending and some excellent attacks of their own. Liverpool won a scrum against the head, but some good work put in by our pack turned the ball back over and somehow space opened up for a grateful Manchester player to scramble the ball over the line to seal the win.

Stats for this match are as follows: We had one lineout which we lost whilst Liverpool Collegiate also had one which they lost too. We had two scrums awarded which we won one and lost one and we also won all three of Liverpool's. We were awarded two penalties to the opposition's one. Manchester managed to turn the ball over four times to Liverpool's two.

FINAL SCORE MANCHESTER 2 LIVERPOOL COLLEGIATE 0

GAME THREE - LYMM
Lymm kicked off and from the off were their usual excellent, well disciplined selves. It was no surprise when they took the lead in the first half through a well worked passing move. But all credit to our boys. They came back snarling and suddenly Lymm were on the back foot. Some quick thinking from a penalty saw Manchester equalize. Game on. We were producing Some lovely touches in attack, deft offloads, spreading the ball wide and taking the ball forward saw Manchester camped for a period within a yard or so of the opposition touchline. I thought just for a moment that we'd gone over for a deserved second try, but I think a last-ditch tackle from a Lymm defender snuffed out the chance. Into the second half and Lymm refound their rhythm long enough to put another clever passing move together to go over in the corner and retake the lead. That proved to be the decisive try and Lymm appeared quite relieved at the score. Well done to our boys for pushing one of Cheshire's best sides so close.

Guest reporter comments - “Generally, a well contested game. Manchester rucked well in the first half but some missed tackles in the 2nd half gave Lymm the opportunities they needed. Manchester passing from the breakdown was a bit wild as well - tricky for our 10!!”

Stats for this match are as follows: We had no lineouts while Lymm had one which they won. We had three scrums awarded which we won, Lymm were awarded one which they also won. Both sides were awarded a penalty and Manchester managed to turn the ball over once to Lymm's none.

FINAL SCORE MANCHESTER 1 LYMM 2

GAME FOUR - NORTHWICH
Northwich kicked off and after a quite opening Manchester began to get their noses in front. This period of pressure finally saw our boys scramble the ball over the try line from a short distance out. Taking a grip in the game. Manchester kept the pressure up and were rewarded with a carbon-copy second try. The third try began with a won scrum against the head. The ball was fed out and neatly passed to a lurking player who, with a strong run, opened up the Northwich defence to score. The fourth try came from a won Northwich lineout. The turned over ball finally finding its way to the scorer to force his way over the line and ground the ball. Northwich responded magnificently and piled on the pressure against our defence and were rewarded with a deserved try. Back came Manchester with a fifth try which began with a well rehearsed move at a Manchester lineout, the ball finally being touched down after a series of passes.

Guest reporter- “Generally, the team rucked well and recycled ball quickly throughout the game. The ball was ratted and chased down from kicks very effectively - a nightmare and real nuisance from Northwich's perspective - but a great performance for Manchester.

Stats for this match are as follows: We had one lineout which we lost while Northwich had one which they won. We had two scrums awarded which we won, Northwich were awarded three winning one. Northwich had the only penalty of the match. Manchester managed to turn the ball over three times to Northwich's two.

FINAL SCORE MANCHESTER 5 NORTHWICH 1

The loss to Lymm meant we were through to the Plate semi-final against Widnes.

PLATE SEMI-FINAL - WIDNES
Always knew this was going to be a tough game and if we were to get anything out of it we had to be in their faces early on (not easy when several of our players had sustained injuries by this point). Manchester did just that however, and scored a try from a turn over at a Widnes lineout. The game was played at a fantastic intensity, both sides giving their all. Widnes had a period of sustained pressure where it looked for all the world like they'd draw level. Dangerous, they stuffed the ball up their jumpers and rumbled down the touchline, they were just metres from the try line when a Manchester player makes a fine last-ditch tackle and ripped the ball determinedly off the Widnes player to feed his own player who finding a yard of space, sprints the full length of the pitch to score and effectively put the game to bed.

Guest report- “Generally, the key was the huge defensive effort put in during the first half in particular to keep Widnes out. That, combined with some clinical opportunism, was the difference.”

Stats for this match are as follows: We had the one solitary lineout which we lost. We had two scrums awarded which we won and one of Widnes's two. No penalties were given and Manchester managed to turn the ball over three times to Widnes's twice.

FINAL SCORE MANCHESTER 2 WIDNES 0

This hard fought for win put us into the final against Chester.

PLATE FINAL - CHESTER
Manchester ran onto the field without much of a break to face a Chester side who had been one of the favourites to lift the cup. With our squad decimated by injuries and many of the boys who did play carrying knocks, I wasn't surprising to see Chester producing having much of the possession capitalizing on mistakes made through tiredness. Their try came in the first half and I expected to see more. What I didn't bank on was the bravery and resilience shown by Manchester to fight on and attack back. Manchester ended the game, much to their credit, in Chester's half, pressing down the touchline, looking for a way through their solid defence, only to see a dropped ball eagerly pounced on by a Chester player and kicked out. It was a great game of rugby and a match, that I would have liked to have seen earlier in the day with fresh bodies on the field.

Stats for this match are as follows: We both had one lineout which we won. We had two scrums awarded which we lost and Chester one which they won. Manchester were given two penalties and Manchester managed to turn the ball over once to Chester's twice.

Guest reporter – “A game too far!!!
A very well contested game, with no real gap between the teams. Without taking anything away from Chester, the catalogue of injuries sustained and the depleted numbers/lack of subs at this stage meant that this was a step too far for Manchester
Despite that, there was fabulous effort and endeavour, with players having to drag themselves off the turf and round the pitch, and if Manchester could just have closed out the chance they created prior to half time, the dogged defence shown all day might just have been enough, but not to be.

FINAL SCORE MANCHESTER 0 CHESTER 1

That the boys were upset at losing speaks volumes for their commitment and love of Manchester Rugby Club. You did us proud today lads.